psykologisk insikt

Varför häpnar jag ? Jag som är psykolog ? Borde jag inte veta att människan skyr medvetenhet om sig själv ? Det kanske jag gör också. Men jag låter mig också häpna för jag är bara människa. Då är jag som bäst även som psykolog.

Vi vill inte veta av våra destruktiva krafter…vi vill bara inte. Vi är så rädda att de ska ta över så vi förnekar dem alldeles. Och så gör vi godheten en björntjänst genom att elda på ondskan. ”Du får inte vara med” säger vi och tar den i handen i samma stund. Vi minns inte hur vi hade det som barn. Hur solidariska vi var mot det svaga och stackars illa. Det minnet har vi försökt döda och kasta bort. Det är det värsta vi kan göra. Vi VET det intellektuellt men vi handlar inte utifrån den insikten. Vi orkar inte.

Vi litar inte på oss själva i sällskap med ondskan.

Frågan är om vi hellre har att göra med den ”evigt goda”…om den mot förmodan skulle visa sig. Kanske få oss att känna oss bedrövligt dåliga. Dynamiken runt ont och gott är mer komplicerad än vad vi törs sätta oss in i, ty kastar du ut nåt så har du det framför dig och förnekar du dess existens så äts du upp av densamma.

Så svårt är det att vara människa.

Och det är inte många som orkar med det.

Inte jag heller. Återstår att lida.

Det här skriver jag delvis utifrån mina intryck av valspurten här i Finland inför riksdagsvalet…och delvis utifrån mina intryck av hur människor formulerar sig i sina dikter på poetsajten Det verkar som människan mer eller mindre har tappat bort sin psykologi…sin vilja till att ens försöka förstå det ondas och godas väsen…och bara fläskar på med sin godhetslängtan…kärlekslängtan…den som längtar lider mer än andra…så varför inte lägga ner längtan…när vi kan lägga ner allt annat ?

Vår längtan och vår vilja är lidandets vedklabbar på elden. Vad ska vi med eld ? Den brinner bara ut och sen störtar vi iväg för att få den tänd på nytt. Till vilken nytta ?

Har jag blivit buddhist ?

Det får heta vad det vill.

Det kan heta ingenting också.

Det känns i hela kroppen av att använda det ordet. Det är uppfyllande.

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