Labour of Love

Hur ser barndomen ut i dag ? Vad är ett barn ? Varje tidsålder har sin egen syn på barnet sägs det. Jag undrar. Om det betyder att synen på barnet skulle vara en parallell till hur det vuxna samhället ter sig så verkar det rimligt. Om man kan göra i stort sett vad som helst som vuxen för att nå dit man tror sig vilja…så kan man också göra med barnet i stort sett vad som helst.

Men det är i grunden inte de vuxna som plötsligt får för sig saker och ting. Alla har varit barn och det har hänt saker i barndomen som, tyvärr, ligger till grund för hur den vuxne sedan tänker. Eller tror sig tänka.

Det lilla barnet som rycks bort från sina föräldrar under en ansenlig tid av dygnets 24 timmar, anpassar sig till den situationen via bortträngning eller förnekande/förkastande. Det förstnämnda betyder att barnet ”glömmer” och det andra innehåller tanken att ”det har inte hänt”.

I bägge fallen rör det sig om psykiska försvar mot smärta. Det mest ångestframkallande hos ett barn är att mista kärleken och kärleken är fysisk och konkret i form av moderns kropp och röst. Att inte få ha tillgång till den när man själv behöver, alltså utan inställsamhet och villkor, innebär en olidlig påfrestning på känslor och förstånd. Man tror att man ska bli tokig.

Först när barnet är trygg med mamman och säker på att hon kommer tillbaka efter att ha gått, kan man säga att barnet är berett till separation och överlåtelse i andras händer.

Det här är ett faktum som inte går att bestrida. För många forskningasresultatet visar på det. Om det nu måste bevisas vetenskapligt enär man inte litar på sina sinnen.

De vi kallar makten är mycket medvetna om detta förhållande. Föräldralösa barn har alltid blivit de mest lojala människorna. Det förhållandet kan sedan utnyttjas i såväl freds-som krigstider. I arbetet och i kriget. Som anställd och som soldat.

Har man ”bara” glömt sin barndom kan dessa minnen framkallas i terapi. Har man förkastat sin tidiga uppväxt är saken mer komplicerad men inte hopplös. Ju mer psyket försvarat sig ju lydigare kan människan göras. Men inte den lydighet som inte kan rubbas. Kroppspsykoterapi lär vara en mer effektiv än psykoterapi. Kräver en mycket varlig hand.

Det är inte neutrala kloka vuxna människor som bestämmer hur samhället ska se ut och hur vi ska se på våra barn. Det är f d barn som skapar samhället och vår barnasyn. Barn ser på barn kan man säga. Om man själv fått gå igenom skärselden och sedan fökastat dessa minnen är det inte svårt att själv rekommendera samma behandling till kommande generation. Man tror att man tänker men det är bortträngda/förkastade händelser som ligger till grund för ”tänkandet”. Tänkandet bygger på känslomässiga upplevelser av en relation.

Att vi i dag ser ut att på kloka grunder arbeta mer än att ta hand om vår avkomma har inget med fiffighet att göra utan är en psykologiskt naturlig följd av hur vi blivit älskade som barn. Eftersom vi inte minns det eller vägrar acceptera det som en sanning så verkar utsikterna för förändring som minst sagt små. Man får då lita till dem som minns att så är fallet. För att göra det sätter man sin tillit och tro till en annan på spel.

Så är det.

Det finns inga lösningar på dagens värld så länge vi inte tar hem barnen och älskar dem. Älskar dem tills det blöder och barnet har fått nog och går. Att det skulle göra ont bara för den vuxne är inte sant. Barnet lider lika mycket det men kan inte gå förrän det känner sig berett att leva utan den vuxne. Det måste få ta tid.

Att vi inte skulle ha råd med att t ex betala föräldrarna att vara hemma med barnet är ren och skär lögn. Det lilla det skulle kosta äts upp av krigsindustrin och kriminaliteten i et nafs.

Slut för nu.

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51 kommentarer till Labour of Love

  1. Ulf Andersson skriver:

    Hej Gunnar!

    Sorry, denna kommentaren är helt Off-Topic:
    Vad kul att jag äntligen hittade dig! Som jag har letat……

    Vi träffades vid en sammankomst i Sverige 2008 –
    i GBG, om jag inte minns fel.
    Jag tror att du kommer ihåg mig.
    Hade varit kul om du hörde av dig i ett mail till mig.

    Mvh Uffe

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