En vän utvecklar mina tankar

En nära vän undrar om det inte är rätt att tala om mobbning även i de fall man inte kan spåra eller förstå varför den mobbade stannar kvar i processen…i mobbningen. Dvs att man inte alltid kan tala om att man ”låter sig mobbas”.

Jag tänker nu på två fall.Sinsemellan till synes mycket olika.

1. Många kvinnor får stå ut med mobbning och rent våld ( psykiskt, fysiskt, sexuellt ) i sina nära relationer och visst kan man fråga sig i vilken grad de frivilligt stannar kvar där år efter år om det samtidigt finns små barn som behöver sin mamma. Dvs måste man inte det faktum att mamman stannar kvar som att hon offrar sig för barnens skull ? Det är ju omänskligt att ens försöka definiera vad det är som pågår i en sån hemsk situation.

Men om man fråntar den kvinnan allt eget ansvar för att hon stannar ( ja t o m anför kärlek som ett motiv ) så gör man henne på något vis till ett 100-%-igt, passivt offer…om man inte just ser kärleken som en aktiv källa att stanna. Sin egen eller barnens längtan efter och behov av snälla pappa.

Jag vet hur svårt det är och hur djupt känslorna går hos en sådan person som tar emot stryk för att barnen inte ska bli utan pappa…trots att han är hemsk i det han slår/förtrycker.

Saken är tyvärr ännu svårare än så. Hos kvinnor som stannar finns mycket ofta en barndom med våld och en omedveten, obearbetad avundsjuka kvar gentemot barn som sluppit våldet. Varför ska hennes barn komma lättare undan än hon själv gjorde ? Den frågan finns kvar och även svaret…”klarade jag av det så ska minsann du/ni också göra det”.

Att lagen säger ifrån borde vara det som vägleder kvinnan men är det högst sällan. Lagen är känslolös. Kvinnan tyvärr alltför laglös.

2. Jag känner mig mobbad. Helt på riktigt. Jag känner mig åsidosatt som rikssvensk i Svenskfinland. Det är extremt svårt att på något sätt ”bevisa” detta eftersom det är ett gruppbeteende från en minoritet riktat mot en ännu mindre enhet…mig som representant för ”storebror” Sverige.

Storebror Sverige som både har ägt och också gjort illa åt finnar…blev så småningom under historien något som man både såg upp till och hatade. När finlandssvenskar i dag besöker Sverige får de ännu år 2012 höra av dryga och/eller dumma svenskar ”vilken fin svenska du pratar”. Finlandssvensken tar detta som tecken på makt och behov av att rangordna.

Jag har alltså fått tillbaka detta som rikssvensk i Svenskfinland och har extremt svårt att göra något åt det. Jag vill minnas jag fått in en säger en insändare i ämnet i Hbl, under årens lopp men det är allt. Ja en kommentar i en mindre gratistidning, ”Länsiväylä” har jag också fått med. Tidningen har egentligen en större upplaga än Hbl men antalet finlandssvenskar som läser den är nog mindre. Där berättade jag i o f sig om den absolut svåraste saken jag råkat ut för i landet när jag blev dragen vid nä’san angående en tjänst som var vikt åt min ende konkurrent…en ung finlandssvensk rik karl med rätt efternamn. Mina 10 erfarenhetsår som leg psykolog krossades av hans sommarjobb på posten !

Advokaten som skulle hjälpa mig få rättvisa i saken kämpade i två år men stångade sin panna blodig. De nära 60 000 euro han menat jag borde få som ersättning i förlorad arbetsinkomst…blev till slut 0,00 och ett hot om att tvärtom kanske behöva betala advokatens dyra arvode men där kom facket in och räddade mig.

Därefter har livet inte varit nådigt här utan jobb efter jobb har dragits vid min näsa och ansökningar om anställningar har mer eller mindre kastats i pappershinken utan intresse.

Man säger inom den sk ”ankdammen” att man har ”högt i tak”. Det må stämma men då förbehållet ankorna själva. Jag som utifrån kommande göre mig icke besvär. Jag har aldrig ens försökt göra mig till för att sänka tröskeln utan har mer tänkt på att försvara min själ. Det har stått mig dyrt men stoltheten är ovärderlig.

Kanske får jag anledning att återkomma.

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